With the upcoming and inevitable return to work I am finding myself faced with many regrets and concerns. I am already regretting my return to work. I didn't know that was humanly possible to regret something that hasn't happened yet. I find myself concerned with so many things and living in the future and not the present. What if he doesn't eat/sleep/poop/smile/play nice at daycare? What if I hate my life at work? What if we can't make our schedules work with our daycare provider?
Today while talking to my neighbour she said not to worry, kids are accepting of change and will be okay with the new situation. I know that Mason will thrive in a home care setting with other children to mimic, watch and laugh at. I'm not concerned about him at all. I am the one that is not going to be accepting of the situation. My baby is in the care of someone else. I don't get to see him do hilarious things all day. I don't get to nap with him. I don't get to go to the park or have rainy day dance parties under our eaves trough spout whenever I want.
Maybe I am being greedy, plotting ways to try to delay my return to work. But if me wanting to stay at home and smooch my kids' fat feet and dance to Billy Idol and eat sand makes me selfish, then that is a label I am proud to take on. Yes, I ate sand. But he was so happy to feed it to me, how could I say no to that manipulative little jerk?